Fri. Jun 14th, 2024

Hello everyone, while the state is still struggling to acknowledge the ADHD disorder. No doubt awareness is a form of education. The more we know the more power we have.  I would like to spread some knowledge about ADHD hyperactivity to mothers whose children are suffering from this phase. Surely, spreading ADHD awareness increases the chance that people will make the connection between the problems in their lives and ADHD and also reminds us as a society that making sure people have access to mental health treatment is a worthwhile use of our money.

What is Hyperactivity??   Mommies do you have any clue about it?   90% majority of our society has no idea that they have it. It is attention deficit hyperactivity disorder in both kids and adults. Symptoms most probably seem at age of 3 and 6.  We can overcome it at some stage if we get a clue on time that we have it.  I am also a part of it and parenting a 5-year-old child who has ADHD. Hyperactivity or we can say Attention deficit (ADHD Disorder) relates to mental health. It starts during childhood.  Likewise, we know people have no idea that they have it until they are of age.

It doesn’t look nice if anyone thinks that raising a child with ADHD is like conventional parentage. We all need to acquire this verity that kids with ADHD have practically contrasting brains as compared to other children. Yes, it would be highly appreciated to reward good behavior and say No to destructive ones but make sure that we should not be too strict with our child. Allow them to do mistakes, so that they can learn lessons from them. As a parent, we can help our children overcome daily challenges, channel their energy toward positive arenas and bring greater calm to the family. Try to make a routine for them and do follow up strictly. Set patterns of their daily work. Make your child’s life organized and simple. It helps them to reduce unnecessary distractions.

 On some points, people get the very easy expression to call our children ill-mannered, lazy, and yes, usually people don’t feel hesitate to call them helpless. They don’t have an idea about what they have said to those children until becoming part of it. But yes, our children can change you. And if we accept them and take them as a challenge it becomes easy for us to burst out their extraordinary potential and have an eagle eye on growth.  Hopefully, We may be a part of something magical for them. 

          You know what, I remember, the day when the first time I held my twins, son “HAMZA” and daughter “UMAIMA” in my arms I felt lucky to be a mother of them, my son having curious eyes that scanned the room. Gradually time passes and over time I start observing that slowly HAMZA is going to be changed from that perfect child and grow into a boy who suffers from hyperactivity.  I feel patterns in his behavior like lack of paying attention, not being fine in expressing his demands, speech delay problems, abrupt actions, and non-verbal.  These all patterns directly show their connectivity with ADHD disorder.  We can take it simply:

   “Our child is one year or more than one year behind as per condition where he should be now.”

Dear mothers, do not give courage to other people, to put pressure on you regarding your children’s health, with exceptional qualities. First time when I feel my son is nonverbal and express his demands with shouting or hitting. No matter, many times I tried to convince him to stop doing this. I start to keep an eagle eye on his activities, always trying to be on my toes for his supervision and with all that I noticed, he faces speech issues more with him. It hurts me and surely, being a mother, I am getting worried for him because sometimes you want to accept things and challenges softly but questions of people around your surroundings make you worried beyond your imaginations with them on and off questioning like, sometimes why he acts on things weirdly when his twin B sister is absolutely fine in all patterns. Earlier, I tried to ignore them but yes, the time comes when I feel I need to speak up on their random questions what would you think are we the same??? Every child has a different capability and who we are to judge others when we don’t judge ourselves. Dear mothers, please I beg you no need to take these beautiful flowers on your nerve and never allow any third person to raise a finger on them. They are your child and you have to know how you deal with them.  The other person can never realize how painful deep is for us, through how many things we are fighting within ourselves. Being a parent we are not only deal with this disorder in our kids, we accept this phase of life as a challenge and we have to pass it for the sake of our children.

We keep it in notice more when he starts his schooling. We receive complaints routine-wise like someday he scolded someone in class, draw lines on another student’s work, keep shouting in class, lack of paying attention to work. Hamza was slower in his early stage of school as compared to his other classmates in understanding, abstract ideas, and lack of demanding expression. It doesn’t mean he didn’t do any effort he tries but can’t do it properly.  Hyperactivity shows its activeness in him at a peak level.  He feels distracted, and his mood swings on and off.  He cants play with one toy or set his focus on one point for more than ten minutes. He set his timings as per his moods.  We face all these issues with patience.  We can’t shout against them if we do then they get fear at once, putting hands on their ears which is not good for their health. No matter whether he shouts loudly but sometimes, we feel he cannot bear the loud voice of any other person his mood distracts and he feels irritated. ADHD also affects hearing so, when doctors cleared us about his Hyperactivity then we have done his all his tests including hearing but everything was fine with the grace of ALLAH.  Sometimes, his teacher told us that Hamza is blanked while writing and give a silent pause towards them but it seems his mind wants to respond to the things but he can’t justify it with his expressions. One day I vividly talk to my husband. Still, we both did not agree to accept it for once until his Neurosurgeon cleared that he is ADHD Disorder but its lasting time must depend on the patient condition and level of hyperactivity. Regarding my HAMZA he is on a mild level that’s why it affects his speech other one more point of delayed speech is premature birth.  He and his twin sister have a gap of the year due to that.  Being a parent, we should imitate some new action plans for our kids because dealing with such kids surely demands fanatical techniques which help to blow up the kid’s firmness and affairs.

Honestly, I don’t feel shy or worried while quoting my own sons’ example here. Neither worried about people questioning me who don’t have any idea about the fact of it my life.  Because we know, such kids don’t have the disease but they have sharp and are more able to see, explore and change the world than we.  My all-sweet mothers, I can understand your situation. I know what it feels like when you are talking to someone and expect all ears for you but the next one immediately looks away. I truly realized how annoying it would be for us as a parent when instructions are given to our kids and simply not followed up. I acknowledge you and trust me I go through with all these challenges. I have no count of the number of times, teachers, couches, and some of our surroundings

don’t want to miss the chance to wash their hands on our kids. I have witnessed the pain in my child’s eyes when this happens. So, I think it is our fault who give them the courage to do that, no need to put you down in front of others related to your ADHD kid. Be proud and trust on ALLAH no doubt HE is:      إَنَّ اللّهَ عَلَىَ كُلِّ شَيْءٍ قَدِير 

I am sorry being a mother I am not trying to excuse his behavior but it also doesn’t mean I do justify or accept his acts. I admit the wrong means wrong.

“The stance or grip which I used to tackle my child’s behavior may seem

 liberal to them. Consistently, scolding them does nothing”.

I know what I am doing and I don’t want to take any spectator advice. I just try to put perspective on things so that when you must respond to their behavior you can understand them.  It’s a fact that raising a child with ADHD is not as simple as people think. You need to be your finger crossed all time.    Every child is different and appreciates them as they are. No doubt, they are portals for tremendous growth.  Make people sure, that before they write off your child, please welcome them and ask them to join you in this struggle.   Due to having less confidence they need positive reinforcement from us to know that they are on right back.  For delayed speech, we can give them therapies. Seriously, it helps you a lot. I suggest therapy for speech delay for ADHD kids as on experience based. I didn’t say my HAMZA is perfectly cleared in his speech but yes, we see some positive change in him, in his behavior.

Try to be some compromises with your child. We all need to keep in our mind that this behavior is all caused by a disorder. Be ready for a child’s negative expressions if you feel angry or frustrated.

So, the main purpose of this writing with quoting my first-hand knowledge is just aware people and to encourage mothers to stand in power over their kids. Even sometimes, our close members don’t understand it. They think that my son is just spoiled. They don’t want to think big, they don’t spend countless hours reading and researching and trying to make an effort to know different things and what works and what doesn’t. Trust me, no one can fulfill even one day’s struggle for our kid which we do it thousand times better than them. I asked you to understand them. I pledge patience.  I ask them to accept the challenge and help their light to shine bright. Giving kids an open platform to strengthen their talents and interests.  Always remember, we are parents and surely, it is our responsibility to manifest the rules for acceptable behavior in our home. Be calm, and try to be their energy booster but with all that don’t allow yourself as oppressed by your child’s behavior.

Keep my son remember in your prayers. 

Sincerely,

Mother of 5 years ADHD kid.                       

3 thoughts on “Memorandum for Mothers who have an ADHD child”
  1. More power to you. Hugs and kisses for HAMZA. Here’s a small motivational tip for all mothers having a child with ADHD.
    “Praise effort over ability”

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